I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize