Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
