Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
