Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize