I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize