oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
