Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
