im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
