found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
