I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
