It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
