Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
