sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
