So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize