I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize