YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
