The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
