It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
