you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
