her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
