Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
