I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
