Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
