I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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