she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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