Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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