Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
