I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
