why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
