You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
