The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
