I wish I could teleport
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
