I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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