my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
