I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
