Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
