omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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