I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
