you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This baby is an asshole
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Randomize
