Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
