i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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