i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
