i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
