The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
