So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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