I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
