i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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