I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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