did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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