toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Please, let me fuck your mom
ttyl tear gas
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
