Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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