Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
