Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
