It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
