Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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