I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
