I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am naked and annoyed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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