it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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