I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
