I just cut my nipple shaving
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
