bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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