I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
