There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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