I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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