Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize