We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
