just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They took my balls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
