glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
