laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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